I wish I could disappear forever. I’m tired of my life, and I’d kill to just start over… with different everything. Like a second chance, but without me killing myself and being resurrected. I’m sure we all felt like that once in our lifetime, but mine is totally real. It’s like; either I find something or my ticking time clock will blow up.

So, work has been the same.  What I hate the most is how everyone talks about each other behind their backs, but are the first one saying “I wouldn’t talk about you like that, if I had a problem with you, I’d come to you first.” Why are people so fickle? Like, seriously. I’m told a lot about what so-and-so doesn’t like how Jane Doe doesn’t do this and that and blahblah, and the other times I’m just there doing something while they’re talking about who-knows-who. I feel like monkey in the middle, really. I’m friendly with all my co-workers. I guess because of that, they find me to be a person who can hold a secret – which I can… very well. So I get a lot of “this person is ……” and sometimes I hate listening to it because I feel ashamed, knowing that I spend time with that person, and I don’t know why would they be brought up in a bad way – maybe it’s ‘cuz I’m so gullible too. But also, I wonder if I’m being spoken about behind my back as well, and if I am, I’d love to hear it!

So, I tend to screw everything up. I don’t know what I want really. It’s like… I want something different, but at the same time, I want it to stay the same. And I know I can’t have both, but why can’t choices be easier to choose instead of making me go insane!!

I think I’m done… + lappy is running out of battery

Currently Listening One X By Three Days Grace see related

Hello world, why are you so cruel?

Then it came to Christmas. And I thought things were getting better, but as I feared, it turned to the worse. At this point, I was far too depressed and sad that I didn’t want to be around people at all. So, I spent it alone… again.

And New Years… I’m pretty sure you can guess how I spent that as well. Alone. Not only did I work on that day, and the next day, but I have no hope in the New Year.

I did get my first driving ticket. I know I always speed, but why that day when I needed to get somewhere fast? Work has been so tiring. Doesn’t give me time to relax and take all the stress and pressure off my body and mind. And it seems that the pay that I get from all that hard work gets spent before the next paycheck…

So, I bought myself a hamster. Well… to be fully honest, I went home with 2 different ones. The first one was female. I was told they are nicer, and since she was the only one left, I took her home. It turned out she was some psycho hammy that wouldn’t let me touch her or she’d give you ‘THE EYE’. So… the following week I took her back and bought a male baby hamster. It was so nice and cuddly in the pet store, so I’m like “yup, that’s mine!” I took it home, made it comfy in his cage, and when I tried sticking my hand in the cage, he’d make weird ‘territorial’ screams and gestures. I took my hand out so fast, I think I knocked down a few things along the way. It seriously left me in shock for a good few minutes. So I went back to the pet store to ask why the hell he’s making weird noises, and they don’t even know! But the guy who attended me told me I could trade him in for ‘friendlier’ hamsters once they get new ones in. so I think I might just do that! But, speaking of pet store, I saw this handsome guy there. He works there… and as long as my hamster is acting weird, I might just visit the store every couple of days.

Speaking of handsome guys. I saw another one come into my job a couple of times… DAMN… he looks good.

Thanksgiving? Here's mine

 

THANKS

Really, thanks a lot.

THANKS

For making me realize that my compassion was a waste of time. I shouldn’t have tried helping you or tried to change you FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. My time was not only ‘unimportant’ but a waste of both our times. I’m sorry.

But THANKS

For teaching me people don’t change. And that the ones that are evil and cold hearted should ALL BE BLOWN UP. How about that for ‘MY OWN LITTLE WORLD’?

Guess it was

SELFISH

Of me to think about helping you.

DON’T WORRY. It won’t happen again. And I GIVE ANYONE CREDIT if they try harder then me.

But once again…

THANKS

For wasting my time as well.

Currently Listening Riot! By Paramore see related

There’s this particular customer that comes in and stays for 4-6hours just walking around. No joke. And generally I wouldn’t care about that if he didn’t look and acted really creepy. He reminded me of the time I was caught in the middle of a Pedophile’s world. Before I go on, no I wasn’t molested or touched or anything like that. Well anyways, back in 4^th grade, I would walk to the library and stay there until my mom came to pick me up after work. I soon noticed this medium toned man with black beard and mustache walk through bookshelves near me. I wouldn’t mind, since not only was I young, but it was a library; and for all I knew, he could be stuck on which book he wanted. But one day, I would hear grunting and moaning from him 2 bookshelves behind me. And I can’t remember how long this “masturbating-behind-bookshelves-near-Yoly” happened, but I know it was a couple of times. Once I saw his penis through some books, and I finally told my mom and stepfather. They called the library, and it turns out he was a well-known Pedophile that had a bad record. He was sent to jail after they caught him… again. Like I was saying at the beginning, this weird customer at work started touching himself, and it just brought me back to bad memories.

And my birthday was this Tuesday (the 13^th). Like every birthday I’ve had, this one didn’t matter. Best thing that happened that day:  I worked and will get paid… woot. Worst thing:  lost another one; but its all good.

That’s all I can care to write about. Plus, I’m tired and I’m watching my TV shows. Haha. Anyways, I might write more tomorrow since I’m free… nish.

Currently Listening Riot! By Paramore see related